To Owen, at one month

To my little Owen,

It sounds so cliche to say, but I truly can't believe you are here, and that you have been here a whole month. I have been your mama for a whole month.

I went lots of months thinking you would never get here, because I couldn't find your daddy for a long time, and then after I found him because the time just never seemed right for you to come. It turns out the time was right when you were made, because now you are here, and now you are perfect.

I wanted to tell you about a moment I had, because I want you to grow up knowing that God answers prayers when you are patient and live right, even when they aren't answered how you expect them to be.

A long time ago, I knew your name and that I hoped I would have you someday. I lived by myself and was so lonely for your daddy (whoever he was) to come into my life and hopefully bring you with him someday that I used to cry and pray and cry and pray that you both existed and that I would find you someday.

A few nights ago, I laid in bed with you sleeping on my chest and your daddy sleeping next to me, I remembered laying in a different bed alone, crying and praying and crying and praying. On this night, I thought, "I prayed for this, and God knew what he was doing when He granted it to me in this way." I was so thankful I said another prayer right then that I would deserve you both and do the best by you both.

In other words, you are an answered prayer, and so is our little family. May we all grow together to fulfill our purpose.

On a lighter note, this month has gone by very quickly in some ways, and VERY slowly in some other ways. In this month I have learned so much about patience and love, about crazy emotions and lack of sleep. I was right when I predicted that I would love you so much when I saw you (even though it took me a little while to warm up to the whole idea of this huge life change) but I couldn't have known that you would make me love everyone I already loved even more.

Learning you has been challenging and rewarding. The biggest things I have learned are that there are no right or wrong answers to this whole parenting thing, and that I need to learn more about letting go of being in control. I have a feeling you are going to do a great job of teaching me both.

So far, you love your binky, bouncing in the hammock in the dark (with mama or daddy of course), the feeling of cool fresh air, eating and bright lights and colors. You like riding in the Moby wrap and in your carseat and have been an excellent shopper with me and your Gramma. You also seem to like laying by yourself from time to time, which makes mama both happy and sad. (Happy because she can have both of her hands, and sad because what if you are already too grown up and don't need her anymore?)

You do NOT love having a bath, getting your diaper changed or being in the Cry Room at the church building.

I don't want to rush any of this, because I know you will be a grown up before I know it. The thing I can't wait for the most is you to recognize us and to smile at us.

You and daddy are my two favorite people, and I am so glad to be his wife and your mama.

Love,
Mama