I am so tired today. So tired that I wish I had never said "I am tired" before because now I know that I didn't really mean it then. I want to do a generic update, but I am guessing I am going to be kind of all over the place.
My body has been pretty busy, you know, growing a male child, and on top of that I am fighting off a cold. Needless to say, the rest of me has very little left to give. I feel like I am walking around in a cloud, but I have been assured by EVERYONE that this is nothing compared to having a newborn. This is nice to hear, by the way. This doesn't make it any less true, or any easier to hear.
On a more positive note, we got to see Miller this weekend (his parents were there too!) and we had so much fun with him. I am happy to report that taking care of him made sense, that I could tell when he was hungry, that I had instincts about what he should eat, and that it was pretty easy to adjust our routine around him. I enjoyed talking to Kelly about all kinds of things from feeding (I loved watching him eat kale and squash, and I really look forward to making food for mine) to diapering (I am leaning toward the diapering system she uses, called gdiapers, just because they are a cross between cloth and disposable so you get the cost effectiveness of one with the convenience and lack of leaks from the other. Of course, I am relieved to hear that even she uses regular disposable from time to time, taking the pressure off those lazy days or those middle of the night diaper changes.) to sleeping habits (I am learning this is just going to be difficult, but that you deal with it.) All of our conversations are making me start thinking about my registry, just so I can start organizing what I think I want and need. I plan to start on amazon just because it is my favorite place to shop and you can find everything there.
Miller is so happy and easy going, and that gives me hope. Kelly showed me the ultrasound of Miller at 18 weeks and he looked EXACTLY the same as our ultrasound pic! Since there aren't any boys on my side of the family, I am curious if ours will look like Miller. I was a pretty cute little kid (until the unfortunate age of around 8 years old until pretty recently, which I have blocked out of my memory) and John was and is absolutely adorable (he never really had an unfortunate age), which makes me excited to see how our genes will combine.
I also ordered my first baby/birth book. I have been really proud of my lack of interest in reading birth books and websites and that I have not been obssessive about details. I really want to just go with the flow as much as possible. I promise this is true, even if it doesn't sound like it is coming out of the mouth of a professional list maker. I have always liked Dr. Oz, because he is practical and offers really good explanations for what food does in the body. I lost a lot of weight with his YOU: on a Diet book, and it really made things like organic food and high fructose corn syrup make sense to me. (I still know all of these things, but it doesn't mean I am always the best about eating the right things!) I went ahead and ordered his YOU: having a baby book, because it is the same kind of practical info. I like it so far. I want to concentrate on how what I eat is affecting the baby, and other little tidbits about what is happening right now.
I have been able to feel him move for a few weeks now, and for the first time last night John was able to feel him too. I had read online that you usually can't feel a baby move from the outside until much later, so I hadn't thought John would be able to for a while. To me, at first, it just felt like the way a twitch feels on your skin. Now it feels like bumps and actual movement. We were about to fall asleep last night when I could feel it in the same place a few times in a row. I put John's hand there and pressed it down, and just as he was about to take it away, the baby pushed hard and John could feel it. He was surprised. It makes me a little nervous that we can feel him move so much, which reminds me of the story I have been meaning to tell: at our official ultra sound, the tech could not believe how much our son was moving. She kept saying "Your baby is a rascal!" and how difficult it was to get accurate pictures of him. She kept moving the wand back and forth across my stomach, saying that just as she would catch him on one side, he would flip over and swim to the other side. It took an hour to take all of the pictures, and she kept trying to warn me that the doctor might not be happy with the pictures in case they weren't clear. When she showed us the video, he was flipping over and waving his hands in front of his face. I keep trying to remind myself that being active is good, but I will be honest that I am nervous!
I am happy, though, that just about everyone I meet doesn't believe that I am almost halfway done. I can't believe it either, and I am in the minority of first time moms here when I say that it is going by SO quickly! Other people don't believe that I am halfway done because I am still not really showing. I had planned to take lots of belly pics, but they are not that exciting right now. I have taken a few, but I will wait to post them until I actually have a bump to compare. I feel so blessed to be this size, because it was really a worry of mine. I have gained about half of my goal weight, so I hope to stay right on track. As someone who was formerly overweight and then too conscious about calories, I am really nervous about how it will feel after the baby comes. I know what it feels to be depressed about being big, and obssessive about being small, and I don't want to feel either while trying to deal with a newborn. I am really happy that while I feel gross sometimes, I haven't panicked yet about the weight that I am now (I can actually look at the scale at the doctor, but I always have to take my shoes off before I step on!) and I am eating mostly good while also eating what I want.
Hmmmm. What else?
I am still waiting for my transcript to come from my masters to turn into my district, and I am also procrastinating in finishing up one last quick assignment to give me the very last tiny unit I need to move all the way over on the pay scale.
One thing I never discussed, and I will do so quickly, just to get it over with: John got laid off from his dream job at the school district after 4 days of working there. This happened in September, and we are just now calming down from it. It was a union issue, and my poor, meek John had to argue with administrators and board members and then start putting out applications and go to interviews. It was a really nervewracking time. Then a few weeks ago, he went to drop some things off at his old work, and they were thrilled to see him. So thrilled that they offered him a raise to come back. With a promotion. And start the next day. He has been back at work for about 2 weeks, and we are so thankful. Seeing how bleak the job market is made us appreciate for what we have, and able to let go of things we don't need.
One more baby thing: we might be having a change of heart about names. I think we are fairly certain that we know his name. The wierd part is that I feel like sharing it. I thought I would want to play it close to the vest, but I find that I want to tell people when they ask (I haven't yet, I just say we're not sure). We have talked about it, and haven't decided what we want to do yet. John says he might change his mind when we see him, but I don't see that happening, that is how strongly I feel that I know his name (it popped into my head the second I saw blue inside of that cupcake). I am really surprised that I am leaning towards making his name common knowledge. If John decides that we should wait, we will probably toss out a few names we like and maybe not reveal which one it is? I don't know. I guess you will know when we decide!
Oh yeah, October is FINALLY over! We have already watched Christmas Vacation under a blanket, and I have already bought my Christmas soap. A week off for Thanksgiving is coming, we are going to the Grows' harvest party, we are going to the coast for a few days, then fun times at school for a few weeks and then 2 weeks off!
Well, I think you have been properly updated and calibrated with my newest update.
Was it coherent?
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