Swallowing my pride

I went to the Paul Biane Library in Victoria Gardens today.

This might not sound like much, but it actually took a lot of courage and pride swallowing on my part to be able to set foot in the building.

I gave 6 of my most formative early adult years to the Rancho Cucamonga Public Library on Archibald Ave. I am very thankful that I had this job: I got to work with my mom and some irreplacable ladies, the pay was great and the hours were flexible. I actually learned a lot about computers, internet based research and how to work with the public. During the summer the library would be dead and I would spend my shifts reading and surfing the internet. Friends could visit me there and I could also do homework. It really was the perfect place for me to work while getting ready to be a teacher someday.

Then there was the bad side: the limiting of the hours. The segregations of the elitist MLS's (Master of Library Sciences) and the lowely part-timers. Being around a lot of lame people who are stuck in their lives with no hope of progressing out of them. (All of the kids who worked at the Technology Center Desk with me had ADVANCED DEGREES from really expensive schools but chose to live at home and work part time.) Having great ideas and being told they are not your place. Hearing about how people you love (mostly my mom and Nina) were constantly screwed over for hours, ideas and supplies. Having to enforce lame policies on a public that was becoming increasingly knowledgeable about what they should be able to do on a computer. The ridiculous politics about who got to be full time and who's hours were cut and held back.

I was always able to rise above all of this because I was fairly well liked, stayed pretty invisible to management and I knew this job was just a means to an end.

Then I finished my credential, and didn't get hired. I moved out on my own and couldn't afford to pay rent on just my subbing and part time teaching. I didn't get hired some more, and then I didn't get hired again.

The panic started to set in. Was I a library lifer?

Then the long time talk about building a fancy schmancy new mall in northern Rancho Cucamonga became a reality. They were going to be able to build a new library branch there. They were going to be able to hire a lot of part timers to work full time in brand new, interesting positions. There was going to be money to update the computers at the Archibald branch, and to hire more part timers full time.

Since I was constantly not getting hired, I decided to apply for the Technology Assistant position, which would be full time at the new library. I would be in charge of all of the Technology Clerks, make their schedules, and create classes to teach to the public in our new Tech Center smart classroom. I threw myself into the process. I researched all of the new technology that would be used, and threw around my best teaching jargon to create new classes. I even considered going back to school to become one of those elitist MLS's. I made it through 2 rounds of interviews where it was narrowed down to me and one other guy.

Let me describe Adam for you. His mom also worked at the library. I can't say much about this, because my mom did too. It was definitely a family workplace. But, I was hired right out of high school. I used it as a means to an end. Adam went away to an expensive college and moved back home after graduating. His mom got him the job as a last resort. He was a nerdy, smarmy, pimply kid who always wore button up shirts and smiled and winked. He would talk about girl patrons who came in all while carrying on a secret affair with another coworker. He thought he was super smart and too good for all of us, too good for this job.

So, as I said, it came down to me and Adam.

Can you guess who they picked?

I forgot to mention: I had worked at the Tech Center, really proving that I was willing to do and learn anything for 6 YEARS. Adam had been there all of ONE year.

Then my stupid boss had the nerve to say, "I was so impressed with you in the interview process. I really thought, is this the same Molly I have known all of these years? I wanted to tell you that we chose Adam because he has more technical computer experience, but that we were impressed with your teaching ideas. We still want to use them, and hope that you will continue to come up with more and share them with us." In other words, we hired him, but we want to use you. This became a common practice: they ended up hiring very few current employees, and chose to keep them part timers. All of their full timers were outside hires.

Later on when I FINALLY got hired to teach, it was this same boss who called me unprofessional for calling her and excitedly telling her that I had been hired at my dream school but that I was going to be starting tomorrow. She KNEW I had been working toward teaching since the moment I started working there, but in our last few interactions, she chose to focus on how I was not giving her 2 weeks notice.

In the end, I could not be more thankful that STUPID Michelle gave STUPID Adam that job. (Seriously-- the starting salary was $36,000, with no guarantee of raises or advancement. That number didn't mean anything to me then, not quite like it does now...)

Anyway, I needed a certain book for the current Master's class I am taking. I went to Archibald first, and of course, the new library had it. I have managed in the last 6 years to never set foot inside the new library. I could have found out about how to do an interlibrary transfer, but ran out of time. I could have bought the book, but I really didn't want to spend money on another book I will only read once.

I ended up deciding to suck it up and go to the new library today. I thought, "What better way to set foot in the new library than as a tenured teacher working toward her masters while wearing really cute shoes, with a super cute husband at home?" That is really the only way I was able to do it.

Yes, it is a nice building. I was initially struck by it's layout and features, and thought that it was very impressive. Then I looked closer and realized that it is flashy and definitely panders to people who would never go to a real library.

I felt a wave of emotion when I passed the Back to Basics Tutoring Dept and thought of my dear Linda J. She passed away last year, but was the head of B2B when I worked at the library. I had the pleasure of being her assistant and constantly felt her stress level rise when worrying about having enough room, enough tutors, enough money... Then to see the whole deparment and facility that B2B gets in the new library made me want to spit. She never got the praise or materials that she deserved.

I felt the same thing when I saw the children's area, and the story time room. There should not be children in this world who have not had Nina Cole read them a story, or decorate their local library with her amazing art. She was another employee who got screwed by this system, and as much as it makes me mad to see how nice the new children's area is, I am glad she does not work there. She also deserves better.

The best part of today, though? The only person working the reference desk was... Adam! He looked exactly the same, and not in a wow-you-haven't-aged-a-day way, but in the you-are-so-lame-you-are-still-making-36,000-way. The book I needed was in storage, and even though he wasn't the one to actually get the book for me, I stood at his desk, he looked right at me and acted like he didn't know me.

I must admit: that felt pretty good. :)